Disappointed… Heartbroken… Pissed… In Mourning…

All of those things I feel all at once.

How I found out? The intended surrogate posted a jokey type post on Facebook announcing that she was not getting fat, but was pregnant. Since it is April, I thought maybe it was an April Fool’s prank.

Yesterday, I decide to text her and ask if she were joking or truly pregnant. After three long hours had passed, she responds, Yes 🤦🏾‍♀️ lol.

WTF do you mean LOL?

Over a year ago, this woman, who is 28 with three children, offered to be my surrogate after hearing me lament about the fact that I can not carry another child and that my sisters were physically unable to. She volunteered to be my surrogate and I happily accepted the offer. I told her that I would be ready in 2019. We have discussed all the particulars and as early as a month ago, we agreed that she would start the IVF process in September and transfer one embryo at a time. I have four eggs on ice and whatever embryos result will be what we have to work with.

I explained in detail what the process would look like for her and she was even excited about gifting me this opportunity to have a sibling for my daughter. She joked that she would have “our” baby by Summer and get her body back.

I am beyond livid ! And to add insult to injury, she attempts to deflect and gaslight me and say she is offended that I am not happy about her “unexpected blessing.” I am sorry but, four babys, three or four baby daddy’s, and the prospect of another welfare check is NOT an effing blessing. At what point do you grow up and become responsible for yourself, your body, and your family?

As mad as I am because an entire year has been wasted that could have been spent searching for a surrogate and that was wasted planning and preparing for another child, I must also realize that God will block anything that is not for me.

The last thing I want is my child coming through the spirit of a broken, promiscuous, child in a grown woman’s body !

I am hurt that all of my dreams of a future with my daughter and a sibling just got flushed down the drain.

I can not imagine being broke and just tossing away the opportunity to put $10,000 in my pocket for me and my children over a few moments of pleasure. She has said numerous times that she is very fertile. She knew better ! I assume she popped up pregnant trying to tie a man down. Newsflash, that NEVER works !

Obviously, the “no sex” or “no unprotected sex” clause which would have been in the contract in effort to protect my unborn child would have been ignored. For an unmarried surrogate, this would have been a requirement.

I honestly know I should accept this as a blessing in disguise, but my heart will not let me at this moment. I am angry and irritated. I feel duped and used. I absolutely hate putting faith and trust into someone only to be let down.

Now, I have to start this impossible search all over again ! Agencies are ridiculous and I am not spending another $100,000 to get a child.

It looks like my daughter may be an only child and I will be forced to destroy my remaining eggs. I am very grateful for my daughter, do not get me wrong. She has been asking me for sister for weeks now, thanks to an episode of Peppa Pig and also some other show she is infatuated with.

My heart is broken not only for me, but because I wanted my child to have a sibling and not be alone in this world…