Category Archives: Infertility

Happy New Year 2024 !!

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I am wishing you all a Happy New Year 🎊🎊🍾🍾

2023 was a stressful year, full of hurt, disappointment, illness, death, struggle, and ineffectiveness. Despite all of it, I am grateful that I overcame it all.

Being a caregiver to my Mother, who now has cancer for the forth time, has been soul shattering. I felt trapped and unappreciated. My mother was experiencing a type of dementia due to the meds she had to take. A few months ago, the meds stopped working ! Her oncologist immediately changed protocols. The new protocol is working on shrinking the two tumors in her liver and destroyed the nodule in her lungs.

I am embracing 2024 as my year of triump. I am focused on winning and will NOT allow anything nor anyone to distract me.

My daughter is now 7. She is the most amazing gift 🎁. She is thriving and so intelligent. This child is so much different than we were as kids. She is almost like a little adult, the way she processes things. She is very compassionate and sensitive.

I look forward to exploring the world 🌎 with her this year. We are researching and trying to select a country to expat. I am over the US. I need a change and I am determined to ensure that my child cultured and educated. She loves learning and exploring. She has more stamps in her passport that most adults. She loves going on ‘Holiday’…

I am looking forward to preparing for a move and being able to spend half the year abroad every year and prepare to purchase a home in another country.

2024 is going to be epic !

It has already delivered bad news. We arrived at the beach and got settled into the condo and went down the hall to let CGB’s honorary Grandparents know that we arrived safely and learned that her Grandmother passed away unexpectedly two days before Christmas ! We would have expected for her Grandfather to pass, as he too has cancer, but it’s on his nose. He is 101 years old. It was heartbreaking 💔. He didn’t even recognize us. A nurse /caregiver opened the door, which was strange because we were expecting Rose Marie to open the door. She fell a fee months ago and broke her shoulder. She didn’t tell us about that and we knew that Armand had fallen. She got a UTI and bed sores in the facility she was in so her brothers hired a private duty nurse and had her moved back to their condo. The nurse told me that she was skin and bones, although she was always tiny, she was withering away. The nurse was fattening her up, and she seemed to be improving and was doing a lot better. Two days before Christmas, she took ill and was hospitalized and passed away 18 hrs later with Armand and the nurse by her side. My daughter was hurt and could not understand why Armand didn’t know her

I brought them so Lemoncello that I made, which they Love. He smiled when the nurse told him that we brought Lemoncello. She told me that he had had a very bad day was way off, which was unusual for him. He is normally very sharp and aware. A few weeks ago, he and Rose Marie were super excited that we were coming to visit and staying for at least a month. I was looking forward to cooking some of their favorites and spoiling them.

Despite this sad news, I refuse to get sidetracked. I am determined to be productive and make this happen for my family.

I pray that you all have a productive, successful, healthy, and abundant new year.

Until next time,

V

Update…The 411

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Hi All !

Life is a whirlwind and we sometimes lose time by being so busy with other things.

This past year has been challenging. My brother in law and several friends passed away unexpectedly. My grandmother passed away at the age of 90 a few months ago.

I decided to take Salsa dance classes and brought covid to our doorstep and although my mom and I bounced back in 2 days, my baby and her teacher got really sick with horrid symptoms for over a week. A few weeks after recovery, my baby girl started struggling with fluency issues. The ER doctor tried to shoo it away as nothing but viral response but I know my child. A week later, she started full out stuttering while we were in San Francisco with the whole family. When we returned, I found a speech pathologist and had an evaluation done and we started her therapy sessions. I wasn’t aware that covid related fluency disorder was a thing until I talked to my sister, who is a Pediatric RN. We are very blessed that the disorder is improving as quickly as it appeared. We will still do the weekly speech therapy, as it can hurt, but I am so relieved that it started reversing on its own.

My mother’s health is still seemingly declining. The geriatric depression doesn’t help matters. She is resigned to being old and embracing all the accoutrements therein. I push her to push past how she feels, get up and move and build muscles and stamina. If it were up to her, she would like to sit on an electric scooter or wheelchair and allow her muscles to atrophy. It is completely mentally exhausting being around someone who wants to act like they are 90 with one foot in the grave, when you know they are not. The mental decline. The physical decline… watching your parents morph into old age is not fun. It’s draining. It’s all encompassing.

My daughter is doing really well with school. We hired a private teacher who comes to our home and baby girl completed Kindergarten in 5 months and quickly moved to the 1st grade. She is self paced and is moving a remarkable speed. She is making all A’s and loves learning. She loves science and math and anything STEAM/STEM.

Our family is excited for my nephew who just graduated from college and signed a contract to play professional basketball in the Euro League. It is bittersweet that his father passed away and didn’t get to see all their hard work come to fruition.

Tomorrow, we are traveling to NC for his going away dinner. My baby girl is excited to go visit her cousins. They FaceTime almost daily.

I have given serious thought to adopting a biracial infant or toddler or starting a search once again for a surrogate, but it is difficult as a single woman to adopt. We looked at foster care but for the most part, they are interested in sending the children back to their families and I don’t want that heartbreak for my daughter or self. Looks like it will be just the two of us and I could not have been given a more perfect little one ❤️.

Mommy Make Over – The 411

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It has been a whirlwind past few months. Thanksgiving week was spent in Naples, Florida with our family supporting my nephew and his basketball team’s tournament. We drove back to our lakehouse the night before Thanksgiving and I got up at 6am and prepped a full Thanksgiving meal, although I was not supposed to be doing anything but recovering from surgery. My sister and niece drove back up to spend the day with us before departing on an evening flight back home.

I spent the weeks leading up to Christmas relaxing and recuperating. My whole family was supposed to fly in for Christmas, but two of my nephews failed their covid test the day before departure and tested positive for covid. It was heartbreaking because their Dad passed away in September, unexpectedly, and they spent the holiday alone.

New Years was quiet for us, as we spent it at the lakehouse and cooked dinner and chilled in pajamas. I hired Glitzy Christmas to decorate the lakehouse, since I could not, and we put up six Christmas trees throughout the lakehouse. Three of the trees are still up and we light them up at dusk lol. I might not take them down !

I am currently almost 16 weeks post op. I am healing up and for the most part happy with the results. My surgeon did a fat transfer to fill in my hips and to me it looks like love handles. I am going to have them lipo that area with plasma to make the skin shrink to correct it. I also have a little scarring around my navel and I will see a dermatologist to have something done to flatten it out.

Here is a pic of my progress thus far:

I am looking for a trainer so I can whip my body into shape by Summer. I will post pics and updates of my progress.

The Blessing and the Curse of 2020 – The 411

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This year has been a whirlwind.  On my birthday, last week, my dear friend passed away at the same time and day that I was born.  So ironic.  It has been a very crazy past few months, as he was given only 2 weeks to live.  My daughter and I were the second call he made to break the news.  God gave him about two months.  He seemed to be doing well, other that being tired at the end of the day and having shortness of breath at times. He would video chat or call us daily and always wanted to check in on my daughter to see how her day went with her private teacher.  He ordered THREE of my cookbooks and I was heartbroken when I learned that they arrived the day before he passed and that he never got to read the inscription.  He did, however, receive ebook copies of both of my books and made a few of the recipes over the past several weeks.  I just wanted him to hold the copy I mailed to him.

On Wednesday night late, he seemed to be agitated and very confused.  The next afternoon, nothing seemed to have changed so he was taken to the hospice hospital for observation.  He was nothing like he was before, which was alert, and normal.  Sadly , at 10:25 am Sunday, he died.  He was not ready to depart Earth.  He cried like a baby when he learned that the cancer he had that had been responsive to treatment for years and was possibly about to be over had now taken a turn and ravaged his entire body.  He thought maybe it was covid.  He was in the hospital a few days in April and when the tests came back, the cancer was everywhere, even in his face and on his brain.  I was stunned.  He had been under an inordinate amount of stress and also going through a divorce from a contract marriage, more or less.  He had lost a friend who had been like a brother to him for years, as the friend turned out to be a complete ass.  The hurt in his voice was piercing.   As time marched forward, I convinced him to let that go and look at it as it was… the enemy testing him and trying to make him bitter and angry.  What had happened had and it was time to press towards the future and forgive and never forget.  He made peace with the situation and decided to live each day he had left by doing only what brought him joy.  We were humbled and grateful that we were a part of that.  He was so excited to see my daughters development daily.  Over the past two weeks, she has started to read and becoming a phonics whiz.  She is only 3 so that is amazing !  By the end of summer, she will be reading my mail.  LOL.

While covid-19 has been the most terrible thing, in a lot of ways, it has benefited me greatly.  I had saved more money than ever before, paid off all of my bills, and I have had nothing but time on my hands so I have been spending time with my child and my mom and having zoom visits with the rest of the family.   I completed both my cookbooks and am now working on some other lucrative projects.  I just wish 2020 were not bringing so much loss.  The people who are most deserving of death are still up walking around tormenting people and being evil.  That bothers me.  I hate seeing the number of people that have passed.  Hearing their families talk about how wonderful the person was and how productive they were in society is so heartbreaking.

I will be glad when things return to some semblance of normalcy so that we can travel !  After learning covid can be contracted more than once, we are staying in as much as possible.  After being sick for nearly 6 weeks, I never want that mess again.  Plus, there is no guarantee that you will only have mild symptoms.  I am soooo ready to move, but we are stuck here until it is safe to move.  We are no longer considering Florida as a place to buy a home.  We are now looking in other places for a hobby farm or a waterfront home. I am tired of being cramped up but it could be worse !  We are at the beach, and not in midtown Manhattan, which is definitely a no right now.

I pray that everyone is well and that you are able to do productive things during this down time.

Happy New Year !

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We got back from London and took a drive to Orlando, Florida for New Year’s celebration.

We spent NYE with my nephew and his basketball team, as they had a conference game in Orlando.

We spent a few days in Orlando before heading to the beach.

We got back and had to do massive amounts of kiddy laundry plus our clothing from our trip and then we had to pick up the packages which arrived while we were away; mostly Christmas gifts.

I had the entire back of my SUV and the back seat loaded down with packages.

My baby was overwhelmed opening all of her packages and was mesmerized!

She still has toys that she has not opened yet. In fact, there are toys in storage from last Christmas that she never got around to opening so we boxed them up. They will all come in handy once we move to the lakehouse or farmhouse this Spring and we set up her playroom again.

We are excited for this new decade and all that is happening. I am manifesting great things !

My cooking show platform will launch this year and I will release 3 books before Spring. I am finishing up some studies in real estate development and will start the real estate license prelicensure course this week. I am doing some research on another field that is related and looking to launch a new LLC. Things are going well. We are just on week two and we have already sold one of the properties we bought this Fall. I started the REI to build generational wealth for my daughter. She gets so excited when I tell her that she sold another piece of property and now she can go shopping for some more. I think she believes that means she is going shopping for real lol.

I hope everyone is doing well and that you are implementing your goals /plans for your life !

2019/2020 Companies Which Cover Fertility Treatments – The 411

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Nike
Live nation
Wayfair
Hilton – needs to be a corporate location
Bank of America – unlimited
Spectrum
Michael kors
Adidas
Nestle – 25k closest outlets
American Airlines
Pepsi co- 35k
American eagle
Dicks
ASPCA
Uline
Target – after 1 year work a min of 28hrs
Breakthru beverage
PayPal
Monster
Expedia
Citi- Tampa 24k 7500k day 1 ft
Capital one 60k
Wells Fargo 60k
Toyota
Ups
Costco
Ford – corporate only not dealerships
Academy sports
Under armor- 3cycles /30 days after employment
Walgreens 15k 10k meds or 30k 20k meds
30hr week. 60 days after employment
Quicken loans
Staples
Comcast
Fed ex
Xfinity
Kohl’s
Nike -y 25k 10k meds
Amazon FT, 10 % oop 1 cycle, 2 if no live birth
Chase 30k, 10k
American Express 25k 10k
Duke energy 25k
5th 3rd Bank 2 rounds benefits 30 days from Employment
Spectrum 10k
Comcast – 2 retrieval’s 2 transfers 12 weeks maternity at 💯
Cocoa cola- 25k
Fidelity 30k
Cvs 10
Sprint 10
Gap-20k
Ally financial – 3 full cycles including meds
IKEA
Apple -20
Macy’s -33k
Petsmart
BNP -30k
Td bank -10
Anthem -10
Cigna -10
Barclays -30k
fresenius medical care -50k
Archer Daniels midland -40,10 ft day 1
Cisco – 50k
eBay – ?, Meds 5k, day 1
Anthem BCBS
Pershing LLC/ BNY mellon -20k,10k
REI inc -3 rounds part and full time Day 1
James Lang la sale -20k + 5kmeds, FT, day 1
United health care or optum 15,10
L brands 10k
W.L. Gore and associates 25k
Disney-11k
Pyramid hotel group – unlimited
Morgan Stanley 15k. 30k
Wellsfargo 25,10
J.P. Morgan 30k
Master card 30k
Metlife
Red Bull 1 round
Td bank 25k
Exxon mobile 3 rounds
Prudential 20
Geico 25
Time Warner cable
Avid technology – 25k
Morgan Stanley
Edward Jones 15k
Geico 25k
Farmers ins 10k ft
Symantec -2 rounds
Humana – 10k no meds
IStarbucks -15k 5k pt 20hrs week
Convergys- 20k work from home
Hertz – 2 positions (25k 10k meds, day 1 )
Bank of America
Verizon -20k
T-Mobile – 25k
Bio life -25k 20hrs week
Aldi ft –
Hilton – needs to be corporate
Jc penny -25k, 10k, FT, day 1

So…. My Surrogate Is Pregnant… And It Is NOT Mine !! – The 411

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IMG_20190326_185459_323.jpg

Disappointed… Heartbroken… Pissed… In Mourning…

All of those things I feel all at once.

How I found out? The intended surrogate posted a jokey type post on Facebook announcing that she was not getting fat, but was pregnant. Since it is April, I thought maybe it was an April Fool’s prank.

Yesterday, I decide to text her and ask if she were joking or truly pregnant. After three long hours had passed, she responds, Yes 🤦🏾‍♀️ lol.

WTF do you mean LOL?

Over a year ago, this woman, who is 28 with three children, offered to be my surrogate after hearing me lament about the fact that I can not carry another child and that my sisters were physically unable to. She volunteered to be my surrogate and I happily accepted the offer. I told her that I would be ready in 2019. We have discussed all the particulars and as early as a month ago, we agreed that she would start the IVF process in September and transfer one embryo at a time. I have four eggs on ice and whatever embryos result will be what we have to work with.

I explained in detail what the process would look like for her and she was even excited about gifting me this opportunity to have a sibling for my daughter. She joked that she would have “our” baby by Summer and get her body back.

I am beyond livid ! And to add insult to injury, she attempts to deflect and gaslight me and say she is offended that I am not happy about her “unexpected blessing.” I am sorry but, four babys, three or four baby daddy’s, and the prospect of another welfare check is NOT an effing blessing. At what point do you grow up and become responsible for yourself, your body, and your family?

As mad as I am because an entire year has been wasted that could have been spent searching for a surrogate and that was wasted planning and preparing for another child, I must also realize that God will block anything that is not for me.

The last thing I want is my child coming through the spirit of a broken, promiscuous, child in a grown woman’s body !

I am hurt that all of my dreams of a future with my daughter and a sibling just got flushed down the drain.

I can not imagine being broke and just tossing away the opportunity to put $10,000 in my pocket for me and my children over a few moments of pleasure. She has said numerous times that she is very fertile. She knew better ! I assume she popped up pregnant trying to tie a man down. Newsflash, that NEVER works !

Obviously, the “no sex” or “no unprotected sex” clause which would have been in the contract in effort to protect my unborn child would have been ignored. For an unmarried surrogate, this would have been a requirement.

I honestly know I should accept this as a blessing in disguise, but my heart will not let me at this moment. I am angry and irritated. I feel duped and used. I absolutely hate putting faith and trust into someone only to be let down.

Now, I have to start this impossible search all over again ! Agencies are ridiculous and I am not spending another $100,000 to get a child.

It looks like my daughter may be an only child and I will be forced to destroy my remaining eggs. I am very grateful for my daughter, do not get me wrong. She has been asking me for sister for weeks now, thanks to an episode of Peppa Pig and also some other show she is infatuated with.

My heart is broken not only for me, but because I wanted my child to have a sibling and not be alone in this world…

CBD Oil Benefits for Fertility – The 411

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(Source Sensitimes.com)

shallow focus photography of cannabis plant

 

Infertility problems are surprisingly common, in fact, estimates that at least 10% of the female population have difficulty getting or staying pregnant – meaning, that more than 7 million women are alone facing fertility issues.

Regrettably, women are not the only ones who may additionally experience infertility issues. This issue affects both men and women on an equal level among couples experiencing infertility, kind of 35 percent is because of the male, while any other 35 percent is due to the woman. Every other 20 percent is a combination of both male and female factors, and the final 10 percent is unknown.

However, there are now some alternative therapies are at the upward thrust for helping with infertility issues. One of the popular therapies is CBD. This terrific cannabinoid has profound effects on fertility, greater of which is listed below;

What is CBD and What does it do?

CBD or cannabidiol has more than 40% of the extract of cannabis plants and is easily accessible. Used for the treatment of anxiety, seizures, PTSD, and leukaemia.

CBD is also used to ease pain during contractions, According to a study done by the Journal of the Society for Reproduction & Fertility. However, how useful is CBD for male and female fertility and IVF and how safe is its use is what we were going to find in this article?

CBD And Male Fertility

Infertility is a common problem faced by couples in today’s society. However, women are not the only one being affected by it. According to a study done on couples experiencing infertility, 35% were due to problems in men, 35% were due to problems in women, 20% were due to the combined problem in men and women whereas the 10% problems were unknown. Hence before trying to find solutions for infertility, one must find out the cause of the problem and then consult their doctors.

A research study conducted by doctors at the Ruhr University, Germany provides evidence that there is an active link between CBD and male fertility. The endocannabinoid system (ECS) in our body plays a huge part in fertility. It is a regulatory system which looks over almost every metabolism in our body. One of the systems in our body governed by ECS is the reproductive system. When CBD is administered into the body, it helps ECS to work more efficiently and smoothly.

Studies also suggest that the use of THC may stunt the sperm maturation process and impact the testosterone level adversely whereas the same is not right for CBD. It is observed that the use of CBD helps in the acrosome reaction which is the process of fusing of sperm into the plasma membrane and then entering the female egg for its fertilisation. Use of CBD is thought to allow the sperm to enter the female egg and fertilise it effectively. However, the research done in this field is not enough and need more attention. However if more studies in this area were conducted, then CBD can prove to be a significant breakthrough in helping to solve the different fertility issues.

CBD, Female Fertility and IVF Treatment

CBD works differently on the male and the female body. In women, it not only helps in getting women pregnant but as mentioned above, also helps in the delivery of the child. In a few cases, it is seen that if a woman used too much THC in her early months of pregnancy, CBD could be used to reduce its effect on their foetus and their bodies.

Studies have also shown THC to have the adverse effect on implantation, conceiving and ovulation, but with CBD, promising results have been discovered. Even though the research studies done in this area are slim, it is seen that CBD can help to reduce pain, inflammation, seizures, anxiety, spasms and much more.

Remember…

CBD is an effective method of getting pregnant in cases of male as well as female fertility problems. It does not have any side effect like THC and actually can be used to reduce the side effects done on the body by THC. Not only can it be used to increase the chances of being pregnant, but also helpful throughout pregnancy and in relieving contraction pain.

Adventures in Positive Parenting – The 411

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As we get closer to the magical age of TWO… the dreaded TWO aka Terrible Twos, I find myself becoming anxious.

I have been working on “positive parenting” and have fallen off the wagon twice. It was then that I realized all I learned about positive parenting was indeed true. I do not want to spank or pop my child and she is a stubborn one who intentionally locks in and gives you back what you give her. Imagine that ! A stubborn child… I wonder where she gets that?

She does not like loud noise and fussing frightens her so I get down on her level, in her face, and talk to her and explain what she is doing, that it is not acceptable and I help her correct it.

It is A LOT of work to do this and you end up repeating yourself a million times ! In some things, she now tells you the rule before she is about to do something… like “just eyes, no fingers.”

As an only parent, it makes it so much harder because I am the only one with her every day all day. I have to balance being a disciplinarian with being her loving, supportive Mommy. I remind myself that I am merely here to guide this child through life and help her become her best self and not here to mold her into who I want her to be. I am here to encourage her strengths and find ways to help her cope with and move beyond any weaknesses.

My baby is headstrong and very determined to do things her way. She has a temper and a half when she can not have her way.

I am now watching for triggers to help avoid meltdowns. She normally falls out with me about my cellphone or my mom’s iPads. She would watch YouTube until all devices are dead if she could.

Now that summer is over, after our trip to the UK, we will be homeschooling using A Beka and Your Child Can Read programs. I am taking away use of technology and encouraging consistent use of books, crayons and pencils. I purchased a car seat contraption that slides over her and is a desk. I think once we get into a more structured routine, she will be more engaged in creating versus watching educational videos on YouTube.

I would love to hear from other Moms who use positive parenting in lieu of spanking.

I grew up getting spankings. It was effective and my mom is all for spankings but I do believe that I can achieve the same level of discipline without hurting, shaming, and beating a child into submission.

Prayers Please !