I hope and pray that 2021 brings much better health, hope, love, laughter, prosperity, and unity for all of us.
2020 was an awful year for most, even if we were not directly impacted by covid, watching what has been going on around the world has been a burden.
Each of you are in my prayers for a great year to come !
This year has been a whirlwind. On my birthday, last week, my dear friend passed away at the same time and day that I was born. So ironic. It has been a very crazy past few months, as he was given only 2 weeks to live. My daughter and I were the second call he made to break the news. God gave him about two months. He seemed to be doing well, other that being tired at the end of the day and having shortness of breath at times. He would video chat or call us daily and always wanted to check in on my daughter to see how her day went with her private teacher. He ordered THREE of my cookbooks and I was heartbroken when I learned that they arrived the day before he passed and that he never got to read the inscription. He did, however, receive ebook copies of both of my books and made a few of the recipes over the past several weeks. I just wanted him to hold the copy I mailed to him.
On Wednesday night late, he seemed to be agitated and very confused. The next afternoon, nothing seemed to have changed so he was taken to the hospice hospital for observation. He was nothing like he was before, which was alert, and normal. Sadly , at 10:25 am Sunday, he died. He was not ready to depart Earth. He cried like a baby when he learned that the cancer he had that had been responsive to treatment for years and was possibly about to be over had now taken a turn and ravaged his entire body. He thought maybe it was covid. He was in the hospital a few days in April and when the tests came back, the cancer was everywhere, even in his face and on his brain. I was stunned. He had been under an inordinate amount of stress and also going through a divorce from a contract marriage, more or less. He had lost a friend who had been like a brother to him for years, as the friend turned out to be a complete ass. The hurt in his voice was piercing. As time marched forward, I convinced him to let that go and look at it as it was… the enemy testing him and trying to make him bitter and angry. What had happened had and it was time to press towards the future and forgive and never forget. He made peace with the situation and decided to live each day he had left by doing only what brought him joy. We were humbled and grateful that we were a part of that. He was so excited to see my daughters development daily. Over the past two weeks, she has started to read and becoming a phonics whiz. She is only 3 so that is amazing ! By the end of summer, she will be reading my mail. LOL.
While covid-19 has been the most terrible thing, in a lot of ways, it has benefited me greatly. I had saved more money than ever before, paid off all of my bills, and I have had nothing but time on my hands so I have been spending time with my child and my mom and having zoom visits with the rest of the family. I completed both my cookbooks and am now working on some other lucrative projects. I just wish 2020 were not bringing so much loss. The people who are most deserving of death are still up walking around tormenting people and being evil. That bothers me. I hate seeing the number of people that have passed. Hearing their families talk about how wonderful the person was and how productive they were in society is so heartbreaking.
I will be glad when things return to some semblance of normalcy so that we can travel ! After learning covid can be contracted more than once, we are staying in as much as possible. After being sick for nearly 6 weeks, I never want that mess again. Plus, there is no guarantee that you will only have mild symptoms. I am soooo ready to move, but we are stuck here until it is safe to move. We are no longer considering Florida as a place to buy a home. We are now looking in other places for a hobby farm or a waterfront home. I am tired of being cramped up but it could be worse ! We are at the beach, and not in midtown Manhattan, which is definitely a no right now.
I pray that everyone is well and that you are able to do productive things during this down time.
We got back from London and took a drive to Orlando, Florida for New Year’s celebration.
We spent NYE with my nephew and his basketball team, as they had a conference game in Orlando.
We spent a few days in Orlando before heading to the beach.
We got back and had to do massive amounts of kiddy laundry plus our clothing from our trip and then we had to pick up the packages which arrived while we were away; mostly Christmas gifts.
I had the entire back of my SUV and the back seat loaded down with packages.
My baby was overwhelmed opening all of her packages and was mesmerized!
She still has toys that she has not opened yet. In fact, there are toys in storage from last Christmas that she never got around to opening so we boxed them up. They will all come in handy once we move to the lakehouse or farmhouse this Spring and we set up her playroom again.
We are excited for this new decade and all that is happening. I am manifesting great things !
My cooking show platform will launch this year and I will release 3 books before Spring. I am finishing up some studies in real estate development and will start the real estate license prelicensure course this week. I am doing some research on another field that is related and looking to launch a new LLC. Things are going well. We are just on week two and we have already sold one of the properties we bought this Fall. I started the REI to build generational wealth for my daughter. She gets so excited when I tell her that she sold another piece of property and now she can go shopping for some more. I think she believes that means she is going shopping for real lol.
I hope everyone is doing well and that you are implementing your goals /plans for your life !
Source: Parent Magazine
Five years ago I remember scrolling through my Instagram newsfeed full of artsy, overly filtered posts. Even the non-celebrities I followed looked so #blessed with their designer clothes, perfectly uniform families, lux vacations, and toned bikini bods. It was rare to see a caption longer than a sentence, and that sentence was typically a well-played pun. I saw children smiling on Santa’s lap, perfectly coiffed mamas at theme parks with three kids, and delivery room photos that made labor look like a breeze—
Five years ago I remember scrolling through my Instagram newsfeed full of artsy, overly filtered posts. Even the non-celebrities I followed looked so #blessed with their designer clothes, perfectly uniform families, lux vacations, and toned bikini bods. It was rare to see a caption longer than a sentence, and that sentence was typically a well-played pun. I saw children smiling on Santa’s lap, perfectly coiffed mamas at theme parks with three kids, and delivery room photos that made labor look like a breeze—in retrospect, it all seemed a bit unnatural and dare I say staged. And then something changed—parents started breaking the mold.
And then something changed—parents started breaking the mold.
Fast forward to today and I’m sitting on my couch nursing my four-month-old daughter while rocking heavy bags under my eyes and hair that hasn’t been washed in, oh, maybe a week. As I scroll through my Instagram, the posts are looking a whole lot like I do—real and unfiltered. I see a new mom of twins sharing her 2-week postpartum belly in all its glory, a second-time mom sharing an unfiltered image of her simultaneously breastfeeding her 3-year-old and 3-month-old, and raw footage of a water birth showing a mother hand-delivering her own child.
Even celebrity moms are sharing more honest moments. Chrissy Teigen posted photos of her son miles wearing a head-shaping helmet that treats flat head syndrome, a condition that affects up to 50 percent of babies, according to the American Academy of Family Physicians. Amy Schumer shared a pic of her half-asleep pumping in bed the morning after doing standup.
It’s especially during sleep-deprived and wildly frazzled moments like these that I’m eternally grateful for the fact that Instagram as well as social media as a whole, has shifted its view towards those real, hard-hitting moments of parenting. Those filters are being pulled back to reveal what life is really like for a new mom—and the stories of influencers and celebrities alike are transcending toward a narrative that feels familiar. In fact, the goal of the modern-day influencer now seems to be an effort to make new moms feel less alone in their struggles.
“Instagram, more so than the other social media sites, has transformed into a platform where moms feel comfortable sharing their ups and downs,” “Instagram, more so than the other social media sites, has transformed into a platform where moms feel comfortable sharing their ups and downs,” Ilyse DiMarco, Ph.D., a psychologist and author of No Drama Mama, says. “As more and more ‘mom voices’ are being added to the community every day, they’re painting a wider variety of pictures about what everyday ‘mom life’ really looks like.”, Ph.D., a psychologist and author of No Drama Mama, says.
The old view of social media putting insane pressure on moms to be “perfect” certainly still exists, but a revolution against it—one of honest mothering—has also risen. More and more women and moms especially are growing tired of pretending that life is all sunshine and roses. This very notion is what inspired Brenda Stearns, a mom of five who runs the Instagram account @she_plusfive, to start posting real-as-it-gets images of her day-to-day life. “People need to understand that we don’t have it all together—our kids cry, the house is a mess sometimes, we are all human, we feel sadness, and anger, and disappointment,” she says. “We can establish a healthy relationship with social media and realize that there’s so much life happening behind the screen.” On her feed, she shares posts and stories showing what it’s like to be a mother of five and the reality of the chaos that it can bring. She also shares several images of her postpartum body—stretch marks and all. “Abs and flat tummies are great! …but have you ever considered that your body literally rearranged its organs to bring another life into the world?? So yeah! Your stretched out, scarred, jiggly tummy is pretty impressive too!” she quipped on one recent post.
Last Valentine’s Day, New York mom Megan Harper was one month postpartum with her third child in five years and was jealous of watching everyone’s romantic Instagram posts all day. “I was home covered in breast milk and wrangling two kids inside a small apartment all day because it was freezing out,” she says. “Instead of telling everyone how much I loved my husband, I decided to share a picture of what was really going down in my home—me eating Pho takeout and drinking canned wine while nursing my one-month-old sitting next to my 2-year-old who was passed out on the couch.” She received more positive feedback than she could have anticipated—mostly from other moms thanking her for keeping it real.
“From a psychological standpoint, social media has moved from being a platform in which to prove something to one in which you express something,” says“From a psychological standpoint, social media has moved from being a platform in which to prove something to one in which you express something,” says Laura F. Dabney, M.D., a relationship psychiatrist. “You either had to prove you had the best product, the best ideas, the best relationships, or the best life, but now with the popularity of short live clips on platforms like Instagram, expressing yourself in real-time has become not only easier but more popular or trendy.” This shift is helping social media become more of a place to turn to for support than ever before., M.D., a relationship psychiatrist. “You either had to prove you had the best product, the best ideas, the best relationships, or the best life, but now with the popularity of short live clips on platforms like Instagram, expressing yourself in real-time has become not only easier but more popular or trendy.” This shift is helping social media become more of a place to turn to for support than ever before.
“From a psychological standpoint, social media has moved from being a platform in which to prove something to one in which you express something,” says Laura F. Dabney, M.D., a relationship psychiatrist. “You either had to prove you had the best product, the best ideas, the best relationships, or the best life, but now with the popularity of short live clips on platforms like Instagram, expressing yourself in real-time has become not only easier but more popular or trendy.” This shift is helping social media become more of a place to turn to for support than ever before.
Sanam Hafeez, Psy.D., a New York-based neuropsychologist and faculty member at Columbia University, attributes this shift towards unveiling those real and difficult moments of parenting to the rise of body positivity. “The body positive movement opened up this discussion about not just feeling shame about our bodies, but a lot of other things the media can make us feel guilty about—like being a new mom!” she says. “Celebrating our bodies soon melded into celebrating our mommy bodies, our ups and downs, and accepting our flaws.” This, she explains, is where this trend really began to shift, and people began to question the negative impacts social media has on our mental health. “Social media can be extremely intrusive, but it’s the growing acceptance of ‘no filter’ that allows new moms to feel comfortable in this space.”
Facebook and Twitter have become a go-to source of support for new moms, particularly for those living in more rural areas where an in-person support group is few and far between. “A simple search on Facebook will help you find pages and groups dedicated to providing news, tips, and support to moms by region, ideology, and even age,” says Dr. Hafeez. “On Instagram, you will find moms sharing their experiences on the comments of tip-driven, motivational post geared to inspiring parents to take time to care for themselves, or stop and smell the roses from time to time.”
Layla Lisiewski and Megan Sullivan co-founded The Local Moms Network in an effort to deliver local resources and community connections to moms in suburbs across the country. “We know that being a mom is hard work, but felt strongly that finding resources in your town shouldn’t be,” Lisiewski says. Within a few months of launching in 2017, women from other suburbs were reaching out and wondering how they can bring this amazing platform to their community. There’s now a Local Moms Network in over 90 suburbs across the country. “As moms, we would be doing our communities a disservice if we weren’t raw and real on social media and including the everyday struggles that come with having children—eating, sleeping, organizing schedules, finding the right resources, all the while making sure we take care of ourselves and our house and our job and our mental and physical well being,” Lisiewski adds. “There’s something comforting knowing that we’re all in this parenthood thing together.”
Don’t get me wrong, I still follow quite a few perfect-appearing social media moms—they certainly still exist, particularly on Instagram. Sometimes their posts make me feel jealous, anxious, guilty (or all of the above—particularly at 3 a.m. when I’m awake with my baby, again). “There are always going to be those super-toned moms who post pictures of themselves and their gorgeous, seemingly well-behaved children,” says Dr. DiMarco. “They’re usually displaying the killer healthy salad they made or reminding you about how important self-care is, especially for successful entrepreneurs like themselves—and by the way, their 4-year-old is doing well with her Mandarin lessons, thank you very much for asking.”
When a new mom sees a social media post that’s inspiring mom guilt, shame, anxiety, or anger, Dr. DiMarco suggests that they consider the messenger. “Is this a person with whom you have a lot in common? If you don’t respect the messenger, it doesn’t make sense to aspire to be like them, or follow their lead in any way.”
She also suggests asking yourself how much you really know about the person to whom you’re comparing yourself. “Oftentimes, you simply don’t have enough information to make a fair comparison,” she says. “If you’re comparing your life, about which you are an expert, to the life of a friend you haven’t seen face-to-face for many years, you’re simply not making a reasonable comparison.” In other words, you don’t have enough information about this friend to evaluate how her life truly compares with yours.
Live in the now
Before you know it, your colicky, fussy-feeding newborn will be taking her first steps on the grass in your backyard. “Life tends to pass you by when you’re living behind a phone screen, even if it’s to take videos of your baby, so take a moment to breathe it all in and appreciate the little moments rather than going straight to social media,” advises Dr. Hafeez.
Don’t be afraid to ask for advice
Too often, the advice we receive as parents is of the unsolicited variety and it’s often laced with anxiety and self-doubt. But, as new parents, it’s essential that we feel encouraged, uplifted, and inspired in positive ways to make the best decisions when it comes to raising our children. “You’re going to learn something new every day, but you don’t have to figure everything out on your own,” says Dr. Hafeez. For this reason, she encourages new moms to reach out to other moms on social media for advice—other new moms who might be going through the very same fussy stages or potty-training tribulations.
Remember that you’re a role model, too
“Being a real new mom, (#notsponsored) is being who you are and sharing the good, the bad, the successes, and failures,” Sullivan says. “It’s hard to put yourself out there day in and day out, but it’s important to relate to your audience. We are not perfect and we don’t intend for our Instagrams to look perfect either. We want to be your perfectly imperfect village.”
I forgot to post the link for the national Google commercial I was asked to participate in regarding Becoming a Mom ! Please watch and share on your blogs and with others.
My daughter is infatuated with Kump-kins (aka Pumpkins) and Ween (aka Halloween). Every Halloween commercial she sees and every Kump-kin display we pass in a grocer, excites her to no end !
I found it befitting to take her to the Pumpkin Patch 2018 / Fall Festival since she is aware.
Time to trim the fat! Once your child turns 2, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that you reduce her fat intake to less than 30 percent of her daily calories. You don’t have to zealously monitor fat intake. Just switch from whole milk to 2 percent, and look for low-fat versions of cheese, yogurt, and ice cream. For the rest of her diet, provide a balanced offering of whole grains, lean meats or beans, fruits, and vegetables. Don’t cut out fats entirely; your preschooler’s growing brain and body depend on them for proper development. And many dairy products that contain fat are also terrific sources of calcium.
Soon your child will begin looking more like a “big kid,” as her limbs and torso start to lengthen and her proportions begin to resemble those of an adult. She’ll gain about 2 1/2 inches and 5 pounds this year. If you’re concerned that your preschooler is overweight, talk to her doctor rather than instituting any dietary restrictions on your own. Kids’ nutritional needs are different from adults’, so you should get his guidance.
Today, my little queen is TWO years old ! Here are a few pics of our trip to London to celebrate her !
As we get closer to the magical age of TWO… the dreaded TWO aka Terrible Twos, I find myself becoming anxious.
I have been working on “positive parenting” and have fallen off the wagon twice. It was then that I realized all I learned about positive parenting was indeed true. I do not want to spank or pop my child and she is a stubborn one who intentionally locks in and gives you back what you give her. Imagine that ! A stubborn child… I wonder where she gets that?
She does not like loud noise and fussing frightens her so I get down on her level, in her face, and talk to her and explain what she is doing, that it is not acceptable and I help her correct it.
It is A LOT of work to do this and you end up repeating yourself a million times ! In some things, she now tells you the rule before she is about to do something… like “just eyes, no fingers.”
As an only parent, it makes it so much harder because I am the only one with her every day all day. I have to balance being a disciplinarian with being her loving, supportive Mommy. I remind myself that I am merely here to guide this child through life and help her become her best self and not here to mold her into who I want her to be. I am here to encourage her strengths and find ways to help her cope with and move beyond any weaknesses.
My baby is headstrong and very determined to do things her way. She has a temper and a half when she can not have her way.
I am now watching for triggers to help avoid meltdowns. She normally falls out with me about my cellphone or my mom’s iPads. She would watch YouTube until all devices are dead if she could.
Now that summer is over, after our trip to the UK, we will be homeschooling using A Beka and Your Child Can Read programs. I am taking away use of technology and encouraging consistent use of books, crayons and pencils. I purchased a car seat contraption that slides over her and is a desk. I think once we get into a more structured routine, she will be more engaged in creating versus watching educational videos on YouTube.
I would love to hear from other Moms who use positive parenting in lieu of spanking.
I grew up getting spankings. It was effective and my mom is all for spankings but I do believe that I can achieve the same level of discipline without hurting, shaming, and beating a child into submission.
Prayers Please !
I can not believe that my baby is almost TWO !
Time flies by so fast and if you blink, you miss it.
I am enjoying these last few days of ONEHood ! My baby girl is a handful ! She has quite an extensive vocabulary and is now also repeating words we say, whether you are speaking directly to her or not. She sings the commercial jingles and loves loves loves the children’s songs on YouTube ! If I hear Family Finger and Baby Shark ONE more time, I will pull my hair out by the roots. Lol.
We are shopping and packing and getting ready for our trip to the UK for her birthday and I am so excited to share this experience with her.
Tomorrow, we are headed to DC to hang out with friends, my sister and nieces, and my sister-girl is flying in from Canada. I can not wait to see everyone.
I hope all of you fellow bloggers and readers are well.
Till next time ~
Plan B Chronicles 