Category Archives: Single Mother By Choice

Happy New Year 2024 !!

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I am wishing you all a Happy New Year 🎊🎊🍾🍾

2023 was a stressful year, full of hurt, disappointment, illness, death, struggle, and ineffectiveness. Despite all of it, I am grateful that I overcame it all.

Being a caregiver to my Mother, who now has cancer for the forth time, has been soul shattering. I felt trapped and unappreciated. My mother was experiencing a type of dementia due to the meds she had to take. A few months ago, the meds stopped working ! Her oncologist immediately changed protocols. The new protocol is working on shrinking the two tumors in her liver and destroyed the nodule in her lungs.

I am embracing 2024 as my year of triump. I am focused on winning and will NOT allow anything nor anyone to distract me.

My daughter is now 7. She is the most amazing gift 🎁. She is thriving and so intelligent. This child is so much different than we were as kids. She is almost like a little adult, the way she processes things. She is very compassionate and sensitive.

I look forward to exploring the world 🌎 with her this year. We are researching and trying to select a country to expat. I am over the US. I need a change and I am determined to ensure that my child cultured and educated. She loves learning and exploring. She has more stamps in her passport that most adults. She loves going on ‘Holiday’…

I am looking forward to preparing for a move and being able to spend half the year abroad every year and prepare to purchase a home in another country.

2024 is going to be epic !

It has already delivered bad news. We arrived at the beach and got settled into the condo and went down the hall to let CGB’s honorary Grandparents know that we arrived safely and learned that her Grandmother passed away unexpectedly two days before Christmas ! We would have expected for her Grandfather to pass, as he too has cancer, but it’s on his nose. He is 101 years old. It was heartbreaking 💔. He didn’t even recognize us. A nurse /caregiver opened the door, which was strange because we were expecting Rose Marie to open the door. She fell a fee months ago and broke her shoulder. She didn’t tell us about that and we knew that Armand had fallen. She got a UTI and bed sores in the facility she was in so her brothers hired a private duty nurse and had her moved back to their condo. The nurse told me that she was skin and bones, although she was always tiny, she was withering away. The nurse was fattening her up, and she seemed to be improving and was doing a lot better. Two days before Christmas, she took ill and was hospitalized and passed away 18 hrs later with Armand and the nurse by her side. My daughter was hurt and could not understand why Armand didn’t know her

I brought them so Lemoncello that I made, which they Love. He smiled when the nurse told him that we brought Lemoncello. She told me that he had had a very bad day was way off, which was unusual for him. He is normally very sharp and aware. A few weeks ago, he and Rose Marie were super excited that we were coming to visit and staying for at least a month. I was looking forward to cooking some of their favorites and spoiling them.

Despite this sad news, I refuse to get sidetracked. I am determined to be productive and make this happen for my family.

I pray that you all have a productive, successful, healthy, and abundant new year.

Until next time,

V

Update…The 411

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Hi All !

Life is a whirlwind and we sometimes lose time by being so busy with other things.

This past year has been challenging. My brother in law and several friends passed away unexpectedly. My grandmother passed away at the age of 90 a few months ago.

I decided to take Salsa dance classes and brought covid to our doorstep and although my mom and I bounced back in 2 days, my baby and her teacher got really sick with horrid symptoms for over a week. A few weeks after recovery, my baby girl started struggling with fluency issues. The ER doctor tried to shoo it away as nothing but viral response but I know my child. A week later, she started full out stuttering while we were in San Francisco with the whole family. When we returned, I found a speech pathologist and had an evaluation done and we started her therapy sessions. I wasn’t aware that covid related fluency disorder was a thing until I talked to my sister, who is a Pediatric RN. We are very blessed that the disorder is improving as quickly as it appeared. We will still do the weekly speech therapy, as it can hurt, but I am so relieved that it started reversing on its own.

My mother’s health is still seemingly declining. The geriatric depression doesn’t help matters. She is resigned to being old and embracing all the accoutrements therein. I push her to push past how she feels, get up and move and build muscles and stamina. If it were up to her, she would like to sit on an electric scooter or wheelchair and allow her muscles to atrophy. It is completely mentally exhausting being around someone who wants to act like they are 90 with one foot in the grave, when you know they are not. The mental decline. The physical decline… watching your parents morph into old age is not fun. It’s draining. It’s all encompassing.

My daughter is doing really well with school. We hired a private teacher who comes to our home and baby girl completed Kindergarten in 5 months and quickly moved to the 1st grade. She is self paced and is moving a remarkable speed. She is making all A’s and loves learning. She loves science and math and anything STEAM/STEM.

Our family is excited for my nephew who just graduated from college and signed a contract to play professional basketball in the Euro League. It is bittersweet that his father passed away and didn’t get to see all their hard work come to fruition.

Tomorrow, we are traveling to NC for his going away dinner. My baby girl is excited to go visit her cousins. They FaceTime almost daily.

I have given serious thought to adopting a biracial infant or toddler or starting a search once again for a surrogate, but it is difficult as a single woman to adopt. We looked at foster care but for the most part, they are interested in sending the children back to their families and I don’t want that heartbreak for my daughter or self. Looks like it will be just the two of us and I could not have been given a more perfect little one ❤️.

Mommy Make Over – The 411

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It has been a whirlwind past few months. Thanksgiving week was spent in Naples, Florida with our family supporting my nephew and his basketball team’s tournament. We drove back to our lakehouse the night before Thanksgiving and I got up at 6am and prepped a full Thanksgiving meal, although I was not supposed to be doing anything but recovering from surgery. My sister and niece drove back up to spend the day with us before departing on an evening flight back home.

I spent the weeks leading up to Christmas relaxing and recuperating. My whole family was supposed to fly in for Christmas, but two of my nephews failed their covid test the day before departure and tested positive for covid. It was heartbreaking because their Dad passed away in September, unexpectedly, and they spent the holiday alone.

New Years was quiet for us, as we spent it at the lakehouse and cooked dinner and chilled in pajamas. I hired Glitzy Christmas to decorate the lakehouse, since I could not, and we put up six Christmas trees throughout the lakehouse. Three of the trees are still up and we light them up at dusk lol. I might not take them down !

I am currently almost 16 weeks post op. I am healing up and for the most part happy with the results. My surgeon did a fat transfer to fill in my hips and to me it looks like love handles. I am going to have them lipo that area with plasma to make the skin shrink to correct it. I also have a little scarring around my navel and I will see a dermatologist to have something done to flatten it out.

Here is a pic of my progress thus far:

I am looking for a trainer so I can whip my body into shape by Summer. I will post pics and updates of my progress.

Mommy Makeover – The 411

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Hi Readers !

So…. I did a thing….. On October 18th, I hopped on a plane to Miami and embarked on a long lived dream of repairing and restoring my body, post partum.

I relaxed for a day, went to my pre-op appointment the next morning and had surgery on the 21st. I got an extended tummy tuck, muscle repair )to fix the diastis recti I got from being pregnant), lipo in 12 areas (including inner thighs since I had no back fat), and a Brazilian Butt Lift (fat transfer).

After my surgery, I spent a week in a lovely recovery house, Flawless Recovery, and I had a few post op appointments at Xiluet Plastic Surgery with my surgeon, Dr. Benjamin Liliav. I got daily lymphatic drainage massages, which I am still getting three times a week.

The recovery has not been too bad, thanks to the exparel injection I got at surgery, and the aide of CBD Gummies. Although I am super swollen, my body looks great. It is amazing looking in the mirror and seeing an hour glass shape looking back at you.

The hardest part about being away was not being with my daughter for a whole week. She had meltdowns almost daily. When I returned, you would think it was Christmas and Santa arriving at our house lol. I missed her so much and that is the longest I have ever been away from her. Now she is my shadow lol.

Today, I am 19 days post op and feeling pretty good. I have no pain, just tightness and a little soreness. I have to keep on a faja (compression girdle) 23 hours a day. I can take it off to shower and then use a blow dryer to dry my surgical tape. I must bathe in antibacterial soap.

Just before surgery

Flying first class back home a week after surgery.

I will update with pictures of my journey soon…

Blessings Upon Blessings Amid Sorrow – The 411

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Yesterday, I was driving down I-4 and got a call that a close friend and former choir member had passed away due to complications of Covid. I almost ran off the interstate…. I do not even remember the rest of the drive to pick up my mom from the cancer center. My heart shattered again in to a million pieces. Last week Cicely Tyson, my idol and acquaintance passed away with no warning. There have been so many people I know who have died recently. My cousin and personal stylist passed away a few days before Christmas and had been dead five days in his NY apartment before anyone knew. I had just spoken to him a few days prior.

With all that has been going on, I started to question where was God in all this. Well, He answered big time ! In spite of all that is going on, God has truly reminded me of His favor.

I was interviewed about my career and the article was published today on NBC, CBS AND Fox affiliates ! Check out the article here:

https://www.wboc.com/story/43360934/multihyphenate-renaissance-woman-valerie-renee-is-inspiring-the-masses-with-her-powerful-story-of-success

As if that was not enough, I was personally hand picked by Bon Appetit Magazine for the opportunity to compete for Fav Chef 2021 !! There is a grand prize of $20,000, a feature in Bon Appetit Magazine and title of Favorite Chef 2021!

https://favchef.com/2021/valerie-ren-e

Please vote daily for me ! You can also purchase votes for which funds will be donated to Feeding America !

I am soooooooo excited for this opportunity. In the midst of sorrow, God is STILL God ! ❤

I hope that you are all well and thriving xoxoxo

Thanksgiving 2020 – The 411

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2020 has been a heck of a year. We had hoped to host dinner this year, but covid cases started spiking and the CDC strongly suggested that no one gather.

I cooked a big dinner and made dishes for our elderly friends. One of my sisters rented an oceanfront condo for the weekend with her family nearby so we did mask up and drop off a full meal to them, since I cooked two pans of everything so that they could have a meal upon arrival at the beach.

She’s my sweet potato / I yam
Cousin Love

We were able to keep some normalcy in our lives, as we have a tradition of going to the drive thru Christmas light show. My mom and I picked up my sister, her daughters and grandson and we went to the light show. This kiddos enjoyed it.

I cooked dinner for the family on Saturday and my sister and family came over to pick it up. We spent the weekend relaxing. I watched movies and caught up on a few shows I recorded. This morning, I have to go to storage take the remainder of the boxes over and have to follow up with the movers to find out what time they are coming to the storage units tomorrow and Wednesday.

I hope you all had an amazing Thanksgiving, even though this year was a lot different.

Pandemic Move – The 411

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Lakefront View

With everything going on in the world, can you believe I went on a house hunting trip ONLINE?

I have sorta grown tired of the beach after five years of snowbirding and two years of being there year round. For the past few years, I have been dreaming of buying a sprawling lakefront house in a warmer climate to spend the Fall through Winter in. It has become increasingly colder at the beach during Fall/Winter. It actually snowed and had ice storms last year THREE times ! I could stay in NYC if I want to be cold all Winter.

2020 has been a year of the JUMP for me. I have jumped out on faith and put forth effort to do things I had shelved. 2020 represented reflection of the past and perfect and clear vision of the future. With the devastation of the pandemic, it was clear that life is promised to none and it is a time for action.

I hired a realtor in two different states of interest and put them to work finding the perfect dream lake house for our little family. My kiddo has been so excited ! I think having a pool and setting her playroom back up is what excites her most, lol.

After viewing several listings, I opted for one area over the other, mainly because it is much warmer, climate wise, in one locale, which was my main reason for wanting to find a seasonal home. One Sunday, the realtor sent some listings that had me jumping up and down ! Finally, we were on the same page. I selected five homes on the list and put them in order based in which I liked most. I started with #2 because I had hoped they would come down off the price, but they would not and wanted to sell with the furnishings, which I do not want nor need. I then went with #3 because of the price point, although my heart really wanted #1 but it was much more expensive, but nearly the same size as the others. I had the house inspected but was not happy with the list of minor repairs needed plus one major one. I walked away and pulled my offer off of the table. I then prayed and sought God for guidance and in my spirit, I felt that house #1 was THE ONE and meant to be for me. I sent a late night text to the realtor and said I want to put an offer on house #1 but I want to offer $10k less than what they want for it and also I do not want the furniture.

The homes in this neighborhood are a lot of vacation rentals. It is an exclusive gated, resort style community. Most homes are sold with furniture. Fast forward to the next day, MY OFFER WAS ACCEPTED !!! I called the home inspection company back and told them that I had changed my mind and want to go with a different home. They scheduled an inspection and all was well. We had a few minor things to repair, but they were easy fixes. When the appraisal was done, the house was being offered for sale over value. Because people are buying homes at record levels, the owners are jacking the prices up but then having to adjust them after the appraisal comes in ! The owners dropped the price down to $1000 over appraisal and I accepted. I closed on the house two days before Thanksgiving and even got $4000 back at closing. I am having the house painted prior to the movers arriving, so that was a perfect surprise!

Things have been going great with my new transportation and logistics company so I am in the processing of scaling the business up. I applied for a loan to buy three more trucks for the fleet and was approved and will also be speaking to my bank today about an SBA loan. We are looking to go after government contracts, so that SBA loan will definitely come in handy to grow the fleet to 10-12 trucks.

I am excited to start this new chapter of my life and am grateful to God for how seamless all of this has been. I feel like God is smiling on me and everything I am doing. I have had no real snags and things have been falling into place.

I am starting my search for a surrogate again and hopefully can find someone who will carry for me so that my daughter can have a sibling. She has been asking for a baby for months now, but she is so jealous, I am not sure how that will work lol.

This time next week, the movers will be almost there to deliver the contents of 5 storage units and we will be officially moving into the new house.