Update – The 411

baby - new update

I went home for a few days to see my OB, Dr. Karamitsos, so that I can do the pre-op appointment for my hysteroscopy and biopsy and follow up with him about my missing period.  The first thing Dr. K did was do a pregnancy test, which of course was negative.  It appears that the hormones I have been shooting myself up with since March, off and on, have just thrown my cycle out of wack a bit.

We have opted (along with my RE, Dr. Grossman at CNY) to just let my body do its thing and wait for my period to start on its own.  They could force it on by doing the hysteroscopy, but they feel that just waiting and letting my body work out its own kinks is best.  Dr. Grossman feels that forcing my period to come and rushing into a cycle is not what is best and if we do and the cycle fails, then we will be wondering if that was the cause.

I have waited this long to be a mom, so waiting out a little ole period is not that long.  Once my period starts, Dr. K will schedule me for the procedure on day 21 of the cycle.

After my doctors appointment, my mom and I went over to her favorite NYC restaurant, Pio Pio (a Peruvian restaurant) and met my awesome make up artist, Celebrity MUA, Bruce Hawkins, and had lunch.  Bruce will be seen having in depth discussions with me about the ins and outs of IVF in my reality series.

My mom and I went to see Motown the Musical last night and then grabbed food for her at Shake Shack.

This morning, I got up early and went to my dental appointment.  I was supposed to have oral surgery to have an extraction done, but the doctor wants to do a round of antibiotics first to heal an infection in the gum above the tooth and then do a cleaning the 1st week of January prior to doing the extraction.  I was relieved that I get to eat for Christmas and New Years. LOL.   I had already planned to wolf down protein shakes for the next several weeks.

I have been weight training for the past two weeks with my awesome trainer.  I go weight train in the morning at 5:30 am and then I go back to the gym in the evenings at 5pm to do an hour of cardio.  I am very worn out, but I am sticking to it with full gusto.

My Suction D&C with Genetic Testing – The 411

My Suction D&C with Genetic Testing -  The 411

Yesterday, I arrived at Lenox Hill Hospital at 1:00pm. On the way in, I ran into my NYC RE, Dr. Tomer Singer. He grabbed me, hugged me and again said how sorry he was about my loss. He said he saw me on the schedule, wished me luck with the procedure and told me to be sure to come in weekly for beta monitoring.

While sitting at the hospital, I checked my emails and my RE from CNY Fertility Center and Spa, Dr. Michael Grossman and also my travel nurse, Greta, both emailed me to wish me luck with the procedure and express condolences. My entire medical team has been amazing ! They have been calling and emailing me daily to see how I am doing.

I went to the 10th floor of the hospital, checked in for my 4 pm procedure and shortly the intake nurse took me to the back. She gave me a bag with a gown, robe and slippers, and sat me in a nice reclining chair in the pre-surgical wait area. Dr. Harry Karamitsos, my OB from Manhattan Physician’s Group, came over, had me sign some documents, explained what was going to happen and made sure I was doing okay. He kept saying how sorry he was that the first cycle did not end in a live birth and that he was here for me moving forward. He went over to some office in the hospital to pick up the PGD kit and came back with it and told me to have the nurse leave it in my chart. It was a large, weird shaped vial with pink liquid in it.

Later the nurse came over to ask me interview questions and then had me change into the gown, robe and slippers. She then had me sign my advance directive and then went to get my mother.

As I sat waiting on the Anesthesiologist, my wait turned into several hours. The case before me ran into some kind of complications and her surgery, whatever it was, ended up taking from 3pm to 8:30pm. I did not go into the OR until 9:15pm.

I was given the option of postponing until the next morning, but I opted to wait and get it over with. I did not want to risk my body starting a natural miscarriage ! I was already starting to cramp and was experiencing pink tinges on toilet paper and “she was not doing that !” No having contractions for hours, passing clots, then the fetus, followed by gushing blood, pain, etc… No Thank You !

The Anesthesiologist came out and asked me a ton of questions and my OB introduced us and told me the Dr. D was his father’s anesthesiologist when he had bypass surgery. Dr. D was a pretty cool doctor. He calmed me right down. I was then led to the OR by my two nurses and the older one told me she had just had IVF. We talked about it on the walk to the OR.

Once in the OR, it was COLD ! I met a male surgical assistant, another nurse, the two that walked me down, my Anesthesiologist and Dr. Karamitsos. It was a full on circus of people.
I got on the bed after disrobing and then my IV was started. I did not remember much after the meds went in as I was OUT ! I woke up at 9:55pm and was like wow… that’s it? Done? Dr. Karamitsos and Dr. D were standing over me and asking how I felt. I was like HUNGRY ! Dr. K went out to talk to my mom and I was rolled to recovery. I am not quite sure how and when I ended up on a different bed… Weird! You fall asleep on a bed with a hole under your tush and wake up on a stretcher type bed, LOL.

In recovery, I was wide awake. I was not queasy nor nauseated. I told the nurse all they gave me was Toradol… that was not that bad of a drug… not like propofol or versed… I am awake, alert and ready to go !

After lying still for 40 mins. I was placed in a chair. I was giving apple juice and graham crackers. After demonstrating that I was okay and not nauseated, I was permitted to go to the bathroom and get dressed.  I had a little bleeding but nothing too bad.  I was irked because I was hoping to NOT have another period for at least 12 months… oh well, at least it was mild spotting.

I was discharged at 11 pm and my mom wanted to catch a cab, but I felt fine and wanted to take the subway to Penn Station to take the train to her house.  I decided not to stay in NYC until the next day and just go to Northern VA to her house so I can relax, not have to deal with people and rest.

My mom spoils me and my sister lives about 50 miles from my mom so I can get her husband, who owns a catering company to make me chopped chicken bbq on his 8 ft barrel grill 🙂  I figure I will milk this cow while I can… everything will be back to normal soon enough LOL.

Yesterday, I was bombarded with emails, texts and calls from my production team, friends, social media friends wondering what was going on…  It was team too much !  I had to express that I will post exactly what I want exposed about my personal life.  When you are in the public eye, people who only know you on social media or thru your work, seem to think they can inbox you or post asking personal questions.  I forgot to make the picture I posted visible only to my friends…  I got so many questions of concern and downright nosey-ness !  I just ignored the posts and inboxes.  I am already filming my whole journey for reality tv, so I refuse to put much else on display.  Now I wish I had waited to post that pic so that only my friends/ fam can see it.  I took the pic off my profile so that killed all the curiosity…

Anyway, I got to DC this morning, hopped in the car and drove out to my mom’s.  She immediately made me go get in the bed and said she does not want to see me for several hours LOL.

I got Chick Fil A for breakfast and thank goodness I baked a few loaves of Buttermilk Banana Nut Bread on Sunday to have something quick to snack on.  I am being a good little patient, well today at least, and then I will just patiently wait the 4-6 weeks for my menses to start so that I can go in for baseline and start stimming.   I am going to order my meds a med a week until I get them all in so that I am ready for my next IVF.  The money I am spending on meds, I intended to spend on this elaborate nursery I designed.  I was looking forward to going to North Carolina to High Point and picking out the gray furniture I have been eyeballing on manufacturers websites.  Oh well, now if my IVF takes on round two, my baby(ies) will not be born until April or May, so I have time.

I am hopeful that IVF #2 will be a charm !  And I do have frozen AA embryos for FETs plus what ever is frozen from my next fresh cycle, should it not take.  I am just going to pray and keep the faith and speak this thing into existence !!

Suction D & C – The 411

Suction D & C - The 411

I went in to see my OB, Dr. Karamitsos today. He was heartbroken about my miscarriage, as he has been on my journey to TTC for almost two years now.

We scheduled my D&C at Lenox Hill Hospital, the same hospital I was to give birth at, for Monday.

I am just praying that I do not start to have a natural miscarriage before Monday. I really want to do this at the hospital and skip all the natural experience ! I will anxiously await the results of the PGD done on the fetus. Hopefully I will have some answers and not more questions.

My OB did run a battery of blood tests to check for other abnormalities and also to make sure I am not insulin resistant. A few tests were not done previously, as there was no need for it. Now we are double checking autoimmune issues and glucose, just to be on the safe side before I start stimming again.

Anger- The 411

Anger- The 411

The past few days, I have wanted to just lie in bed and sulk. I have had several conversations with God; wondering what in hell He is doing to my life…

I find myself angry. Trying to make sense of a missed miscarriage is just, well, …. no sensible !

I still have NO symptoms.  My beta went up from 7985 to 9400 since last week… The RE says it is just my placenta in overdrive.

I wonder if it would have been easier had I not gotten a positive and just had to go in for a second round of IVF to get a BFP?  Who knows…

Tomorrow, I do see my OB, Dr. Karamitsos for a pre-surgical consult for the suction D&C.  I am going to do the D&C early next week and get it over with.  After my next period, I can start stimming for the next IVF.  Since Dr. Grossman feels that I do not need to take a break and that success rates are higher with fresh transfers, I am going to proceed.

I just do not think I can get excited about another pregnancy until the baby is born and I hear it / them cry.

I had already started planning and purchasing items for a gender reveal party in July.  It was going to be a top billing affair !  I selected THE cake, all of the “what will it bee” items, party favors, found cake and cookie vendors, started ordering chafing dishes and beehive drink dispensers…  Now I have no desire to even do it, for fear that something will go wrong.

I have read way too many posts on the online discussion boards from women who went in at 6wk, 8wks, 12 wks, 16 wks etc and there was not detected heartbeat !  That is so utterly devastating.  I never had a fetal pole and in looking at images of 6 wk ultrasounds, my embryo was far behind in development.  It angers me !

I have to look at it in terms of if something were wrong with the baby, I would not want it to suffer, nor would I want to give birth to a child and watch it suffer and die after birth due to some chromosomal abnormality.

I question God and wonder why is this happening?  Have I not been thru enough in my life?  Does EVERY effing thing have to be a struggle?  Why would my life not be better as a non-believer, since evil seems to always prosper?  Those who proclaim no faith and even denounce faith seem to live happily ever after.  Hell, a crackhead can carry a baby to term !  Really?  What purpose is it really serving me to believe in a God who seems hell bent on derailing my dreams?  Are we not to be in His PERMISSIVE WILL as well as His DIRECTIVE WILL?  What happened to “my Word will not return unto me void” or “whatsoever you as in my name shall be done according to your faith?”  NO one has more faith than I… NO ONE trusts more blindly than I… and THIS is my reward?

Then I pull myself back into reality and realize that no good thing will God ever withhold from me.  Every time He has delayed something in my life, it has NEVER been a denial.  I always got WAAAAAAY better than I actually asked Him for at the time.  So, I am left to just keep trusting, keep believing, and not let the enemy into my head space.

I am a true woman of God and a believer.  I am a strong woman and nothing that the world throws at me can truly shake that foundation and I have to continue to stand in a storm and know that I will come out unharmed.  That is what having faith is all about.  If it is never tested, then how will we know we really believe?

I throw away my tear-stained cloth and dust myself off and get back in fight position.  There is NOTHING that will stop me from getting to the finish line and holding babies in my arms.  If God can give Elizabeth and all those old women in the Bible babies when they were old as dirt, SURELY He can bring two this way since I am a Spring Chicken… well… maybe a Summer one !  😉