IVF #6 – Stim Day 12 – Merry Christmas

baby- 1st sonogram may 12


Merry Christmas Everyone !

Today is stim day 12 of Lupron for my sixth IVF cycle.   Above is the first picture of my baby girl, Harper Jean, who would have been born a year ago today.  Today, I honor her memory and miss her so much.  How I wish she would have made it.  She is my angel baby. I do not think I will feel complete on a Christmas morning until I am holding a child in my arms….

Today started with my Lovenox injection, followed by a nice quiet breakfast with my entire family, except my brother in law who is in Iraq working.  We then started opening gifts.  My mom was blown away by her gifts:  Burberry bag, Tiffany & Co. Holiday Mug, Ancestry.com DNa kit, UGG Australia shoes, Heated Blanket.  My mom gave everyone Amazon.com giftcards.  I gave my nieces and nephews giftcards to their favorite food places or stores, my sisters: one three designer sweaters, the other a velour leisure suit and a hooded top, my brother in law in Iraq: a Gucci wallet, my other brother in law: giftcard to his favorite store, my cousin: Visa giftcard, and my videographer: Amazon.com giftcard.   I only purchased Christmas gifts for my Godmother and my best friend.  Typically, I only buy gifts for friends who either buy me gifts or if they are having a party/event.  I have too many friends, so I normally just bake something delicious and ship it to everyone else when I have time.  I have to go out this weekend and get a giftcard for my doorman. I have a friend in the Bay Area who is having a birthday party again this year, so I got her a Tiffany & Co. Holiday mug.  Every year, I normally just get her a new mug or wine glasses from Tiffany & Co.  Who doesn’t like receiving a little blue box?

I went to Union Station this morning at 11 am and picked up Mark (videographer) and my cousin Chris, who lives in DC.   Mark is going with my mom and I to the beach for a week and we will be filming segments for my reality show.

We are all chilling today at my sister’s house in Northern VA and may go out tonight to see Concussion at the theater. We leave at 3 am so I hope I have enough energy lol.

My brother in law grilled chicken wings, ribs, chopped chicken bbq, and my sister cooked a roast and a ham.  We are also having mac n cheese, slow cooker collards, string beans, string bean casserole, sweet potato souffle, potato salad, peach cobbler and a whole bunch of other stuff my sister has whipped up.  I cooked Thanksgiving Dinner and hosted at my condo at the beach and everyone came in, so I am chilling for Christmas AND Easter !  My other sister will be hosting Easter in North Carolina this year, unless we decide to take the family annual trip to Orlando at that time.  Then she will have to cook there lol.  I am retired until Thanksgiving !  I will definitely have my meal catered if I am blessed with my babies, because I will not feel up to cooking a spread after a c-section !

Tonight, I will be doing my Lupron injection and taking the LDN at 9pm.  That is it for me…

I hope everyone is having a fantastic Christmas and I hope we all have babies en route in 2016 !!

Ba Hum Bug – Christmas Is Coming ! – The 411

Christmas tree 2014

The picture above is my 2014 Christmas Tree.  My mom wanted to do all silver this year for the family Christmas celebration. The whole family is usually together either at my mom’s or we pick a place to travel to.  We wanted to go to London this year, but with my mom’s cancer treatment, we are staying at home and taking a trip to Mexico a few weeks after Christmas.

The family, sans my sister and fam who reside in NC, spent Thanksgiving together. My sister and the fam were missed, but my sister has a new job and she only had the day off.  My mom was queasy all day on Thanksgiving so she laid down most of the day but felt better by dinner time.

I am finding myself starting to get depressed about Christmas.  I do not know how to explain it… it has been six months since I had the D&C and lost my daughter.  To feel a life growing inside you and then to suddenly feel that life leave you, it is hard.  I feel like a part of me is missing.  I loved that baby and was looking forward to her making her beautiful appearance on Christmas Day via scheduled c-section.  I have had two additional IVFs since losing her and neither took.

I am spending the next month and half working on dropping twenty to twenty-five pounds.  I have gained the weight with all the stim meds and excessive eating in the days after each transfer due to prednisone.  I absolutely HATE my body right now.  I ordered 35g protein shakes that I love and am drinking a detox and immune tea that I got from Herb Shoppe in New York.  I also picked up fat burners today.  I am on a mission !

My dating life has been going good.  The eye surgeon and I finally went out on Tuesday night.  He is very cool. He is so darn gorgeous, intelligent and funny.  We had a great time.  He wants to get together again soon.  I have also gone out with an IT consultant twice.  He is really nice.  He, too, is much shorter than I am, but he is a cutie and seems to be very into me.  So far, those are the two that I am dating.  I signed up for another site and am getting the lay of the land so to speak.  I am figuring things out.  I also signed up for Coffee Meets Bagel and for Tinder.  I figure I should keep my eyes and options open so that Mr. Right can find me.

If I can just get past the heavy sadness I am feeling every time I think of Christmas.  I wish I could just hop on a plane and go to a remote island in Fiji and not have to think about Christmas.  2014 was supposed to be MY year !  I was supposed to have the BEST Christmas EVER by having my daughter.  Harper Jean was supposed to come into the world on my favorite holiday.  Now, I will spend another Christmas watching others with their children.  I will spend another Christmas without being with my own family.  Two years ago, I was supposed to be getting married. In retrospect, it is a blessing that that did not happen.  Can you spell DISASTER?

Anyway, I hope everyone else is finding peace and is able to celebrate Christmas and have an amazing day ~