Thankful and Fearful – The 411


At a time when I should be elated, my heart is heavy and my spirit weeps…  Today is CD2 and I am now on my journey towards motherhood. In exactly 19 days from today, I start my protocol of Lupron injections.  My nurse has given me my list of meds for my protocol and had previously called in all of them except the HCG, which is now a part of the protocol.  They do an HCG wash prior to transfer to help improve implantation.

While I am excited about moving forward with my IVF cycle, excited about Thanksgiving and my family joining us at the beach to celebrate Thanksgiving, my heart broke into a million pieces this morning when my worst gut feeling I have been having was confirmed…. my nephew is in the hospital going through withdrawals after a relapse from drug addiction.  He had been clean for two years and something he can not articulate to my sister has pushed him back into using.   My sister and her husband are trying to get him to fly home from California next week and enter into a rehab program.  There is a phenomenal program near them that is the “go to” rehab for celebrities and common folk alike when they truly want to kick the drug habit.

I have been having nightmares for a few weeks that we were getting “the call” that my nephew overdosed and passed away.  I have also been itching and having this strange feeling that my nephew was in trouble.  Today, when my sister informed me that he was using again, I knew….  He was supposed to come to the East Coast for Thanksgiving, and instead, he was at home with his roommate, sick.  This morning, he agreed to go to the hospital.  I hate what drug addiction does to a person.  It is a powerful, satanic pull on the spirit.

We have decided not to tell our mom because it will stress her out and probably cause her to have panic attacks.  She can look at me and tell that something is wrong and I just told her that I have cramps… Our mom is having reconstructive surgery on Wednesday, so we feel it is best to just not say anything to her.

Anyway….  I will going in for my baseline on December 23rd (ironically the same time frame I was to give birth to my daughter last year….)  If all is well, which it should be, I will start the Estrace and other meds and prepare my lining for the transfer which will be on January 11th or 12th.

It was my intention to stay as calm as possible and to just relax.  With my nephew’s situation, I will find it hard to do so.  I will began a liquid fast on Monday of protein shakes for 2 weeks to get my body into ketosis.  Hopefully, I will be able to burn a little stored fat and drop a few more pounds by the time I start taking the Lupron.   I will then continue with the Paleo diet to make sure I keep my immune system in check…

Happy Thanksgiving to you all !

2 thoughts on “Thankful and Fearful – The 411

  1. I am so sorry for what your family is going through. How scary! Try and think of calming places. Your safest spot. Be there in times of stress. Just go there in your mind in as much detail as possible.

    Our cycles are pretty close. Your transfer is the 11th. Mine is around the 18th. We’re all in this together!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh my friend. I am so sorry about your nephew. Addiction is such a cruel disease. I hope and will pray he gets help and stays sober again. I also hope you can reground yourself and restore that serenity you seem to have achieved in recent weeks/months. Finally I hope your faith guides you in this as in all things. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

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