As I embark on another IVF cycle, my sixth !, I have so many decisions that I am being forced to make ! My next cycle will be a donor egg cycle, as it is clear that my eggs/embryos are aneuploid and I do not want to keep riding this infertile merry-go-round of disappointment and heartbreak.
I lucked up because I just did a hysteroscopy in January, so I so NOT have to do the HSG or saline sonogram again (YAY!!!), (note that I promised myself, God and a few other people I was NEVER doing that HSG ever again….#painful!) and all I have to do now is a mock cycle when my menses resume later this month.
My dilemma now is that there are very few Black egg donors. The ones the banks have are nothing like me, look nothing like me, do not meet my educational requirements, do not meet my overall requirements AT ALL ! Is it too much to ask for to find a black woman with great medical history, great familial medical history, be beautiful with high cheek bones, fabulous hair, nice teeth, high test scores/gpa, have a college degree or be pursuing one with a decent major (like med school, pre-law, pre-dentistry, engineering…. something ), be tall, no history of STDs, have a compatible blood type, and be creative (musically inclined preferably)? Am I asking too much? Those requests are just a few of my characteristics/markers …. I do not need a donor from the Caribbean, as my background is Black, White, Cherokee Indian and Blackfoot Indian. I do not want my child to look distinctly different from me and my family.
After speaking to a few ladies on some of the online groups I am a member of, one gave me the idea to change my egg donor to caucasian and match the sperm donor to me. She is in a interracial marriage and they had a hard time finding a Black donor so they used a White egg donor and black sperm donor.
My concern is how will this effect my child’s appearance? Would they appear more White than Black or would it turn out the same if I were using my eggs since my donor is not Black?
Over the weekend, my mom and I went to the local festival and it seemed like there was an overload of mixed couples there with their children and most of the woman were White and their children looked more Black than White and looked like normal biracial children. I felt more at ease with having to make a decision to choose a White egg donor if it comes to that.
I have made my appointment for my annual physical later this month and my doctor will sign off on the consent form for me to continue with IVF procedures.
I am still battling with the decision to use frozen or fresh eggs, though I am leaning towards doing fresh only. The clinics I am interviewing have similar packages and my mom thinks I should do the largest egg package so that I have some to freeze for additional transfers and babies if need be. If by chance I get pregnant on the first IVF and only one sticks, then I will want to try to a second baby. I would not want to wait around for the donor to become available nor would I want to risk her being retired.
My head is spinning with all these decisions to make ! I have signed up with a few egg banks that are approved by the health departments. There are a few national ones that are approved with most health departments or at least in the States I am looking in for fertility clinics.
If any of you can weigh in with your thoughts, I would GREATLY appreciate it ! It is sooooo hard when no one you are close too has gone through this. All I can rely on is common sense, my gut, and the women on the blogs and online groups who have experienced it.
Moving forward with Project Little Valerie Renèes !!