Today, eleven days past three day transfer, and I got another negative on the HPT.  I tested Friday, which was 9DP3DT and it was a negative as well.   This morning, the “pre-period” type cramping started and I have no other symptoms.  So, even with a different protocol and using embryo glue and transferring three perfect embryos, still NEGATIVE.  I have now stopped taking all the meds except the Synthroid and Lovenox.

This was my last own egg cycle.   I have had a few people tell me that I should attempt to do a couple of IUIs before moving on to donor eggs, but I truly do not see how that would be a benefit.  My egg quality seems to be good, my numbers on all of my tests seem to be in the normal range, yet, for some reason, implantation alludes me.  Although the quality seems to be good, with maternal aged women, there is really no way of knowing that the embryos are viable unless they are tested genetically, and even still, that is only testing one cell so things can be missed.  So many ladies I have spoken with over these past two years that have done genetic testing and transferred the embryos, only to have them not take, have said they wished they had just moved on to donor eggs instead of paying thousands of dollars for testing.

I did have testing done on the embryo when I had a miscarriage following my first IVF and the baby was genetically normal, so I did not feel I needed to test my embryos.

At this point, I am tired.  Tired of injecting my body with meds.  Tired of going through these cycles of hope to disappointment.  Tired of hoping.  Tired of believing.  Tired of having faith.   At this point, I am ready to move on to something more sure fire.

I have an appointment with my Internist and with my OB on Tuesday and will talk to the OB about doing a biopsy of my uterine wall to determine if there are implantation issues or endometriosis that has not been diagnosed.  I have been on a very aggressive autoimmune protocol, so my immune system is not the culprit.  I want answers.  Is it the eggs?  I do not want to save up and shell out $30,000 plus meds for a donor egg cycle, only to transfer embryos that will not implant.

I am going to have to wait until after the new year to be able to do the donor egg cycle at the clinic I want to use.  This clinic, IVF NJ, has a 92% success rate.  I  am torn about doing a donor egg cycle at CNY.  I have done five own egg cycles of IVF and still do not have a baby in my arms.   At CNY, it would cost me about $19,000 to do a cycle, but I would rather apply that money to a cycle with a clinic with proven success rates.  I love CNY, but I really have to think about the end game.   I also do not have a lot of egg donors to choose from at CNY.   The women who are black, do not possess the attributes I would want in an egg donor, nor do any of them resemble me in any way.  That is important to me.  I want my child to at least look like I am the parent. I will speak to the donor egg coordinator and get more info, but I am really leaning towards using IVF NJ, CCRM, or UCSF Center for Reproductive Health.

I am disappointed, but not as heartbroken as I thought I would be.  I think deep down, I knew this cycle would be a bust and I would have to go the donor egg route in order to have a healthy child.

This weekend, I have been on set the entire time filming for Valerie the Pajama Chef and also Plan B Chronicles.  We are about to tape the one on one interview segments and then it will be a wrap for the weekend.  My film crew is leaving at 4 pm to head to Union Station so they can go back to NYC.

Tomorrow, I am supposed to go to LabCorp for beta, but I think I will just let my OB do the blood draw while I am at the office for appointments on Tuesday instead of doing blood draws twice.   There is no way the beta will be positive, so what is the point?

This is going to be a LONG six months, but at least I will pay for the procedure and will not owe any monies after the fact.  Now I am torn as to what to do with all the baby items I have amassed.  I have tons of cases of diapers, clothing, blankets, books, toys, bottles, and baby items.  I really do not want to move that stuff to another home in 7 weeks and stare at it for six month….