Dating Woes – The 411

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Why does online dating feel like I am starring in an installment of National Lampoons Vacation?

At the urging of friends, you may remember, I signed up for Match.com, EHarmony.com (a total waste of money), and InteracialDatingCentral.com.  I also added the Tinder and Coffee Meets Bagel apps.

I am very picky, I must state, but hell, look at all the other party is getting !  I am a gorgeous, tall, brilliant, educated, down to earth, outgoing, family oriented, well rounded, personable girl who is not a chicken head and am sane.  I have my shit together, and I know what I want.  Unlike the Kardashian template, I do not have a sex tape and I have NOT been laid on more times than a mattress at a Motel 7.  That is what ALL men claim they are looking for… right?

So, I have met a few nice guys, but of course those few were shorter than me, which is problematic for me.  Is it too much to ask for that a guy be a least 6 feet tall since I am 5’11?  Is is too much to ask for that the guy be good looking, educated, and have his shit together?  I do not have time to raise a little boy.  I need a confident MAN.

On my profiles, I make it clear that I am dating but dating with the intent of winding up in a committed relationship that will end in marriage.  I make it clear that I am NOT looking for a hookup nor casual sex partners.

Men fall at my feet all day long. Comes with the territory of being a beautiful woman and a model/actress.  That does NOTHING for me.  I am the kind of woman who is turned on by intellect.  I am turned on when a man can stimulate me mentally.  If he comes out of the gate trying to get into my panties, and totally disregards the fact that I am not interested in screwing, then what am I to do but bounce?

Why is it soooooo freaking hard for men NOT to play games?  You read my profile but you figure YOU will break me?  Really?   I did not get to where I am by being a pushover and being controlled by what is between my legs; nor did I get to where I am by using what is between my legs.  I worked hard.  I deserve to be with a man that I can get to know. … a man I can be friends with first… no pressure… no sex… just hanging out, having fun, getting to REALLY know each other without bringing intimacy into the game.

ALL of these men seem to need to put an ice bucket on their johnsons ! COOL OFF !  I talk to a guy a couple of times and it delves into ” so what is your bra size?”  “you want to cuddle?”  “you are so beautiful, I would love to *(&^ you”….. REALLY DUDE?   Did I NOT tell you up front what I was looking for?  Why are you asking me if I am good in bed?  Why are you asking me sexual questions?  Then get offended when my response is ” that is nothing that should concern you at this juncture.  You should be more concerned with getting to know me.”  I am not a prude.  I am just interested in finding a husband at this point in my life.  I have played all I care to and I want to work on building something serious.  Sex is truly the icing on the cake in relationships but it is not the totality of the relationship.  When you bring sex into a relationship too soon, that is all you really have.  You lose focus and your edge.  You become controlled by it.  You do not make decisions that are best for YOU because you become addicted to the sex.  You will stay in a relationship that you are truly not happy in because the sex is good.

It is TIME OUT for that !  How do you get to know someone if you are spending the bulk of your time in bed?  I KNOW that I am worth the wait.  I know what I really want.  Men will say and do anything to get into your drawers !  I have a lot of male friends and they have even told women that they loved them, knowing they did not, just because they wanted to have sex with the woman.

Is it so wrong to want to now wait until marriage for sex?  I do not want to be a repository for sperm and an object of lust and desire without commitment.

Why are all the guys I meet, who seem like they fit the bill in other areas, so damned HORNY?  Get your life !

Fellow Bloggers/ Blog Readers, any advice?  Comments?  Experiences?

 

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14 thoughts on “Dating Woes – The 411

  1. I dunno…sex is pretty big. I’d take great sex over great looks any day. A great relationship is just a really good friendship without sexual chemistry. Maybe I’m just too easy or built like a man, but I like to know what I’m getting into before I’m overly invested.

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    • Sex is very important in relationships but you need to BE in a relationship before plunging into intimacy. Guys are not driven by emotion like women are. I have not even gone out on a date with some of these guys and they come out of the gate expressing their interest in bedding me. Not cool. They do not even know my last name yet. There are decent guys out there who respect a woman who is not whorish and not into sleeping around with every guy she dates. I just have not run into them yet since starting online dating a few months ago.

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  2. You are describing my dating life. I swear, asking me truly personal questions before we meet….turn off. I had one guy ask me how long my lunch break was and if i wanted to meet and have sex. Uhm. No! Did you read my profile or just look at my picture?? Too many idiots.

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    • You feel my pain !!! It is SUCH a turn off to be objectified. Of course we want to be beautiful to our mate… we want them to think of us as sexy… we want to FIRST be respected and known, but not in the carnal way. I do not feel you can build anything lasting by rushing into sex.

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  3. I have zero advice or experience with online dating sites but I wanted to express my sympathy with your frustration and full support for you being “very picky” and sticking to your guns. You are better off alone than with these losers any day of the week. A professional service sounds much more appealing despite the high price tag if serious commitment is the goal. Good luck!

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  4. I was so hoping you would blog more on internet dating. tee-he I used a site in the early 2000’s I think things were easier then. I didn’t disclose much at all. It was in the quick chats I got to know the vibes. I met a lot of “online unseen chat friends” I found men in their in 40’s and 50’s came with a lot of baggage, like child support, bitterness, no idea how to manage money, and didn’t know how to juggle. Not one I met had “good” quality of my ex so I decide I didn’t want a step down so I stepped away and choose to remain single now. But please continue with your stories… ha-ha Good Luck!

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