IVF #3 Stim Day 9 – The 411

baby - 12 eggs

This morning, I had a monitoring appointment and am delighted to say that I have 12 measurable follicles and a few more small ones developing.  My E2 levels have come up to almost 500, which I am really happy about.  I will be stimming for 3 more days so it is a good sign that it more than doubled in two days.

Tomorrow, I will be going in for an acupuncture session. That should be a bit relaxing.

Tonight, I mixed my meds and injected with ease.  Just when this becomes second nature, it is time to stop the injections.

I am looking forward to leaving for Albany on Sunday.  I am meeting a few ladies who are at my clinic having their procedures done this week.

As far as how I am feeling, my right ovary feels SWOLLEN !  I feel a bit of pressure on both sides but more so on the right, although my left has more follicles.

Cancer Sucks ! – The 411

fuck cancer

My mother went into to see her breast surgeon this morning.  The bad news is that the cancer they found is a really nasty cancer.  The doctor said that had her oncologist acted when she initially told him about it and not told her that she did NOT have cancer again, it would have involved very minimal surgery.  They could not tell if this tumor is a new cancer occurrence or if it is a metastasized cancer.  Because the lymph nodes were removed eight years ago, the breast will find other places to drain, a new path, and it can not be determined where unless cancer shows up elsewhere in her body.

Because the cancer was found at a stage two, the doctor says that she will be fine.  She is just very sorry that the other doctor flubbed this and now she has to do chemo, radiation, meds AND two more surgeries.

I am beyond blown over this.  It is not fair.  My mom is the sweetest, most giving, wholesome and honest people I know.  Why?

IVF #3 Stim Day 8 – The 411

baby - IVF3 stim day 1

Today, my mom had her first follow up with one of her surgeons.  Her plastic surgeon took the drain out and said everything looks good !   My mom is more alert and is coming out of the anesthesia fog.  Today, she went out with me for an hour to take the car to the Audi dealership so that they could replace the brake light bulb, but it turns out the whole LED assembly has to be replaced… $600 !  REALLY?   Okay….. gimme the loaner car and fix it!  It is nice to be able to hang out with my mom because truly things could have gone another way !

I had a date tonight with an accountant I met on Match.com.  He is really sweet.  He is Philipino  and Ecuadorian and is 6’2.  He is very family oriented and is a huge music and movie buff.

I got in and immediately mixed my meds and did my injection. My gonal-f was increased to 450 for the next few days to get my E2 level to rise.  When checked on Monday, it was only 123.  It needs to rise this week to over 1000.  Since they are stimming me slow and even, they expect it to rise late in the cycle but my RE did agree to max out the Gonal-F to help kick the E2 up.

Tomorrow is my next blood work and monitoring appointment, and then my mom has a follow-up appointment with the breast specialist/ oncology surgeon.

I kinda worry what reaction I will get from guys I am dating and interested in once they learn I am undergoing IVF treatment.  I see no need to put my mommy quest on hold.  I may or may not ever meet Mr. Right, so who ever God sends in my life will have to accept me for what I am… twins on board and all !

Flu Shot – The 411

baby - flu shot

OPPS !!!  I forgot to mention that on Saturday, when I finally was able to leave the house for a grocery store run, I called my RE from the parking lot to inquire about getting a flu shot since I was stimming.  The clinic okay’d me to go ahead.

I got my flu shot and came home and took 2 Tylenol to ward off symptoms.   I am glad that I got my flu vaccine now instead of waiting and doing it while pregnant !

IVF #3 Stim Day 7 – The 411

baby - ivf 2 stim day 2

Today is my 7th night of stims.  I am happy to say that I have been doing well and am not bruised up yet !  Maybe because they do not have me taking Lovenox until after transfer this time.

I mixed all my meds and did the two injections and am finally starting to feel the ovarian swell.  My estradiol is only 123 today.  I emailed my doctor about my concerns and asked if we needed to adjust anything to get that E2 up because I am not going through another cycle and peaking at 148 and ending up with immature eggs.  My E2 during my first cycle was almost 400 at this point.  I still have a full week of injections before trigger so I am hoping by Wednesday that it goes up some and that by Friday it is in the 1000’s.

I am starting to become weepy !  UGH !!   I am not sure how much of it is the stress of my mom’s illness and undergirding fear that something could go horribly wrong in a few months… With cancer, you never know.  A lot of that is stimming from my friend Joanne’s passing at the age of 32.  WHY ???   She did have a rare cancer, endometrial, which went to her chest pretty quickly and then ended up in her brain.  I am completely heartbroken that she did not get to have her dream wedding… have children with her fiancee… live her life !!  But who is to say she did not live it?  God, this is soooo unfair !!  My soul cries for her !

I have been having a rough couple of days.  Not sure if any of you have ever had to deal with the elderly, let alone the elderly with alzheimers.  Enter my grandmom !  LAUD JESUS UP ON HIGH !!!

I have BEGGED my sister, who lives in North Carolina to PLEASE come get her.  No one understand what it is like.  I feel saddled once again by my family.  That is the reason I moved to NYC to get away and live a life that did not require that I give up so much of myself. There was no one there depending on me and for the first time, I felt FREE.  I came back last summer to help my mom out with my grandmom who she had to move to VA from NC because she fell ill and it was discovered that she had alzheimers.  The burden of dealing with someone who has dying brain cells, is clinging to a past life they are incapable of now living, and being resentful, sneaky, bitchy, and down right pissed off, is HARD.

With me, I am a more take no prisoners type.  My grandmother is a weak woman.  Still caring the scars of child abuse at the hand of her father and the ignorance of it by her mother.  By the time my mom and her siblings we here, my great-grandfather had found Christ and became a preacher.  He left behind unhealed wounds which he inflicted on all six of those children and they are all broken, hurting people in their old age.  Nothing you say can change their experience.

I have two sisters, both of whom are married.  One lives 50 miles from my mom and she comes to help out when she can, but has two teen daughters.  My other sister moved to NC last summer and has an adult son in CA, and with her a teen and a two year old baby and her husband works out of the country.  Being that the one in NC is a nurse, I felt it would be fair of her, while I am stimming and a complete emotional mess, to come get my grandmom for 2 weeks so that she is not on my heels every freaking minute wanting to HELP me… help me cook… help me clean the kitchen… wanting to check the mail (which she will hide if you let her check it and her bills won’t get paid)… wanting to inject me with my meds (she was a nurse)… she wants to be helpful, but I do not want nor need her help.  It is down right ANNOYING !   Imagine having about 12 pre-teens following you around all day !   That is what it is like with ONE alzheimers patient.  They want to be grown and exert their “grown-ness” but they can no longer do anything.   You let her cook, she doesn’t remember what goes into anything and will make a nasty mess and will leave the gas on the burner and burn the house down.   Dying brain cells coupled with yet ANOTHER UTI !  UTI’s in the elderly cause psychosis !  She becomes beligerant, argumentative for no reason and even more paranoid that she is already !  I find her plundering through things, peering over the catwalk at me for prolonged periods to see what I am doing in the family room  ( I am WORKING!!), or constantly coming in to the kitchen when I am in there and being in my way.  It gets to the point, I have to turn off what ever I am making and just wait for her to finish washing the dishes, putting them away, or what ever other busy work she finds to do.

My sister in NC gave me the ” I am busy… working a 9-5… have a teen and a baby… etc.” bullshit.  People assume that because you do not have children or a husband, you are free to pick up all the slack and I am tired of it. I feel like the dumping ground sometimes.  I work harder and longer than anyone in this family.   Do you have ANY idea how long it takes to write a script, polish it, do a business plan, plan out the film production and then chase down money to make it?   On top of that branding and developing new projects.  I am in the middle of film festival submissions right now and also developing a stage play and a new screenplay.  I need to focus.  I can not do that, cook, keep an eye on my mom, be hell hacked by my grandmother sans the time she is at day care for 4 hrs, and do my work.   I have barely had time to sit and go through possible dates on Match.com let alone EHarmony I am paying $45 or so a month for.

My other sister will be coming out here at the end of the week to sit with our mom and entertain my grandmom.  My mom’s brother is tied up with his daughter who has an eating disorder, so of course, I get stuck with having to be superwoman.

I will be sooooo glad when I am finally pregnant and have these babies.  I planned to move away sooner, but I lost my daughter who would have been born in December on Christmas… so I stuck around the East Coast to be closer to my doctors and clinic and to help my mom.  Now my mom is ill, so I guess God had a way of putting me where I was going to be needed.   I am just ready to do something for myself.   I never get to be as selfish as my sisters and live in my own cocoon.  I get stuck having to pick up everyone’s slack.

Prayerfully, this is MY cycle and I can get this show on the road, have these babies, and MOVE to the West Coast.  Eventually, I want to relocate to Europe.  At least part of the year.  It would nice to spend time in different places before I get too old to enjoy life.

Diez Huevos ! – The 411

baby - 10 eggs

YAY !  This morning I had a monitoring appointment and I currently have 5 follicles on each side and more little ones developing.  My follicles are small and the nurse thinks they should be mature (18-25mm) early next week.  My initial target retrieval date was Friday or Monday.  I am hoping it is not until at least Monday to let the follicles mature properly so that I do not end up at retrieval with immature eggs this time.  My doctor is not on vacation and is closely monitoring what is going on, so I am relieved that he is watching and not the nursing staff.

On Friday, the hospital’s lab did not send my bloodwork in STAT !  I was sooo pissed off because the blood work they did would not be back until today or tomorrow, which means the whole weekend I went along without know what the numbers were looking like.  My clinic and I discussed it and I am going in to Labcorp the rest of the week for the blood work.  The blood work will post to an interface within a few hours of the pick up.

I am anxiously awaiting the blood work results from today.

IVF #3 Stims Day 6 – The 411

baby - IVF3 stim day 1

Today is my 6th day of stims and I expect to trigger later this week and report to Albany.  I am hoping that I have to go on Thursday evening for a Friday retrieval and then I will come back to my mom’s until the night before my transfer.

I am not taking a film crew with me this time, as they should have enough footage from my last procedure to piece together what they need.  My hair is the same so we are good !  lol

I have been enjoying the day with my mom.  We rented a couple of movies on demand.  The first, Camp X-ray was a great indie pick !   Now we are watching Captain America – Winter Soldier, which I have previously seen.

Today, I made homemade pizza for lunch and it was pretty tasty !  I am now getting bored with cooking everyday.  It was exciting and a stress reliever at first, but there are only 3 people in here and two of us are gastric bypass patients and do not eat much lol.   I am going to have my sister come get some of this food and I am freezing some of it to ship to my nephew in California.

pizza

My injections went smoothly tonight.  I am just looking forward to being done with them.

Hope you all had a great weekend !!

IVF #3 Stims Day 5- The 411

baby - ivf 2 stim day 3

Tonight, I had a hard time doing my injections, mainly because I was very distracted.

This morning, I awoke to learn that a colleague and friend, super model Joanne Borgella, passed away at the age of 32.  She had a year long battle with a rare endometrial cancer.  I am heartbroken.  A few months ago, she was on the brink of remission.  I EFFING hate cancer !  This beautiful girl was planning her wedding…

http://bossip.com/1050063/gone-too-soon-american-idol-plus-size-beauty-joanne-borgella-passes-away-at-32-following-battle-with-cancer/

Anyway, although I iced my tummy, I evidently stuck myself too far using the 22 gauge needle because I was bleeding after the injection.

I am worn out.  I spent the day working on film festival submissions and I stopped long enough to cook dinner:  smothered pork chops, rice, string beans, and honey corn muffins.

Now, I am going to go watch a little tv and figure out how to work this stupid EHarmony website.  I am paying $45 a month for this ish and have not taken the time to even use it.  I will start tonight. 🙂

Hope everyone is doing well !

IVF #3 Stims Day 4 – The 411

8 eggs

Today was pretty uneventful.  I went in for my monitoring appointment and blood work this morning at 7 am.  I currently have 8 follicles that are measurable.  I have 4 on the left and 4 on the right.  There are also a bunch of little ones that are not big enough to be a follicle quite yet.  I was given instruction to remain on my same med dosages through the weekend and then go back on Monday and again on Wednesday of next week for monitoring.  They are thinking I may trigger Wednesday night and then report for retrieval on Friday.  My clinic is open on Saturday as well until noon, so it is likely they could have me come in on Friday, Saturday or Monday.

I am just hoping that the little sacs forming grow quite a bit over the weekend and that I get more follicles.  I have my fingers crossed for 10-12 eggs at minimum and 5-6 embryos this cycle !  Not too much to pray for.  I want my frozen baby to have some company in that freezer.

I am taking it pretty easy and just cooking and keeping an eye out for my mom.  Today, I made italian meatball subs from scratch.  The marinara was amazing !

Italian Meatball Subs

I hope you all have an awesome weekend !  I am going to try to get in to see my acupuncturist tomorrow and again on Tuesday.   I have a date on Tuesday with a guy I am speaking with on Match.  He seems pretty cool.  We shall see…

IVF #3 Stims Day 3 – The 411

baby - IVF3 stim day 1

Today has been a long one !  I have had maybe 2-3 hours of sleep since yesterday.  My mom is at home and resting well.  She has some pain, but manageable with the meds.  She was doing fine with nausea until she ate the big dinner I made, LOL.   She has been making noises about wanting turkey and stuffing.

Today, I decided to make slow cooker cajun turkey breast, herbed cornbread and sausage stuffing, buttered rice, turkey gravy,  string beans and black bottom brandied sweet potato pie.   And before you ask, YES, I write cookbooks and have four published cookbooks out that have been on the best sellers list at Borders, Barns and Noble and Amazon.com.

I love cooking and baking when I have time.  That heavy meal did her in…

Before dinner, I mixed my meds and did my injections.  Other than being very tired from not sleeping, I feel great.

Tomorrow is my second monitoring appointment.  I am kinda glad I am on this schedule since I don’t have to go back until Monday.  I have one on Wednesday and depending on how that goes, I will either have to trigger and leave for Albany on Thursday or stay on the meds until monitoring on Friday and leave for Albany on Sunday for next day retrieval.

I want to thank all of you for your prayers, well wishes and support.  My mom thanks you as well.  We have received an outpouring of love and support and it means the world to know others stand with you !!  xoxo