So, I started ordering my meds for IVF#2.  I am ordering them in a few shipments so that my purse will not start screaming at me all at one time !  I, stupidly donated my meds to people after I got my BFP.  Although it helped other women, now I have to purchase some of those expensive meds all over again and I am out-of-pocket.  It is truly worth the expense.  I will just take one vacation less this year.  I planned to go somewhere tropical this summer…  With two film premieres, one in DC and the other in LA in a few months, I have to watch my spending.  I am doing these red carpet, celeb hosted premieres out of my own pocket and any money raised thru ticket sales, raffles and donations, I am donating to two recovery centers for persons struggling with addiction.  My film is about addiction and recovery.

I am so ready for my period to start so that I can start stimming, but at the same time, I am glad my body is taking its sweet time so that it will completely heal.  I am really pissed that I am not having a Christmas baby and that if this next IVF takes, my babies will be born in May.  I did not want a May birthday !  My nephew was born in May and the family has birthdays in every month except December and January…  I guess some things we just can not control.  My body has truly pissed me OFF !  Then I dial it back and remember that God is in control of all of this and He knows so much more than I what the future holds and if he took those babies, my three embryos that I transferred, there was something going on that I could not see.  I know what I asked Him for regarding my children and I know that what I asked Him for, He will give me !

So if it is Spring and Summer babies He wants for me, who am I to argue or complain?

I am also distressed because I have gained about 18-20 pounds with the ivf treatments, despite the fact that I walked 3-6 miles everyday and ate mostly veggies !  I have dropped 12 of the pounds but the fat that remains is in the most awful places… my THIGHS and my BREASTS !  UGH !!!  I can not wait to have babies so I go under the knife and correct these atrocities… yes, I am that vain.  I want my body back!  Another thing men will never have to deal with, LOL.

Happy Fourth of July !!